Breaking Away from Abusive Relationships
Abuse and Intuition
Before I got sober over thirty years ago, I had therapy off and on for a number of years and didn’t say a word about the physical abuse
from my husband. When we got sober the physical abuse stopped. After I had been sober for 4 years, my husband raised his hand to hurt me. I knew then I wasn’t
willing to tolerate his abuse or behaviors any longer. After 13 years of marriage I left the relationship. My children decided to stay with the abuser, their
father for the longest year of my life. I stayed sober, and worked on me.
Today, I am still changing self-sabotaging patterns. To change a life pattern, one needs to be aware of it, then comes practicing a new behavior, most of all
it is honoring the person you are and being willing to change the pattern that is hurting you. Yes, a lot of work and yes, it is an on-going process.
Today, I am married to a man who loves me for who I am. That says alot as I am a psychic, medium and a full deep trance channel. It is funny how that small intuitive voice gets ignored both by emotions and logic even when the logic isn’t logical. Why is it we believe what isn’t true and ignore our intuition, that small quiet voice that ALWAYS speaks truth and is a survival mechnisism we always have when we pay attention.
When you are breaking off a physical, emotional, or verbally abusive relationship, it is easy to get caught up in the relationship over and over again. After all, you love the person and when they say they have changed you want to believe them. Chances are they have NOT changed and you are setting yourself up for more abuse.
Here are some guideline to disconnect emotionally and physically from the person who brings you pain.
Disconnect him/her from your life. Remove their name and number from your phones. Delete email addresses and block them on your social media websites. Block incoming numbers, texts and emails. Do not answer calls from unknown or private callers. Caller ID is great for this.
No calls, no texts, no emails. Make a list of the hurtful things they said or did and keep a copy near to review when you feel weak and wonder what they have to say or when you have a strong desire to get back together.
Delete the texts and email without reading them unless they are threatening, blackmailing, physically threatening you, or
threatening to lie about you, save these communications and contact an attorney. You may need them for a restraining order.
Do not answer their calls and do not call them. Many of these men/women send demeaning cruel, emails, texts and voicemails. Don’t defend yourself. You will not prove you are right by responding back to these messages. Everytime you read or respond you are engaged and have taken their bait like a fish on the hook. The only way you can “win” is to NOT respond by playing their sick game.
Avoid places that remind you of them. Places you enjoyed together will set you up to call them or you may accidently run into them.
No “accidental” meeting. Change your routine. Go to a different grocery store, change your workout times, be unavailable if the person shows up at your
work or have a coworker talk to them. Go to the gym or your favorite social place at different times or days. With time and distance, you will heal. Do not go to places you know they will be. It will backfire on you.
Don’t ask, about your ex and tell your family and friends not to mention your ex. Many times friends think they are being
helpful when they share with you the gossip about your ex. Explain to them you do not want to hear about your ex. Ask
your family not to pass messages to you from your ex and do not ask your friends to do it for you.
Don’t keep your foot or the ex’s foot in the door. Give them their stuff. Don’t store it for them, it is an excuse to allow them back into your life. Do not allow them or yourself an excuse to resume contact.
If you are the one who moved out, get all of your belongings at once. What you leave behind, consider it a small price to pay for the cost of freedom. Pack away photos, gifts,
notes, and anything that reminds you of your ex and “the good times” you shared.
Pack up the ex’s things yourself and drop it off at their new place when you know they won’t be home, put it in storage or have it delivered.
If you have a pet don’t haggle over visitation or who gets the pet. Give them the pet.
Negotiating visitation for a child is a different matter. Arrange to pick up or visit your child at a friends or grandparents
when the other person isn’t around.
When you are mood altered, Do NOT dial their number! If
you are depressed about the breakup, alcohol and pot will only make you feel worse. Drinking and dialing is s a big mistake and often ends up with the person moving back into your home.
Reconnect with yourself, your family, friends and your newly
discovered life. Now is the time for you to regain a healthy and strong mind, body, and spirit. Get in touch with the people you weren’t allowed to see because your ex threw a fit if you did. Begin doing the things you used to enjoy. Discover new interests and enjoy the adventure of your new beginnings.
Do NOT get into another relationship for at least a year after the breakup. I know this may be the hardest part to do but as you discover yourself and begin to change and grow into a stronger better you, you will feel the red flag warnings when someone like your ex tries to get their hooks into you. You are in the process of breaking old patterns of behaviors that led you into the abusive relationship in the first place. Don’t settle for less than mutual love, respect and support in any relationship. This includes abusive parents, friends and family. As you model and live in a way that is respectful of you and the others in your life, those who love you may begin to
change as well. If they change, decide how much time you want to allow them to take up space in your life. In the end, your actions now will be the best gift
you have ever given to yourself.
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